A restaurant named Tony’s that serves actual Tonys

A German toymaker has unveiled a controversial new line of stuffed animals which all have psychiatric illnesses ranging from bipolar disorder to acute depression. It’s hard to believe there’s a market for a Teddy bear who is obsessed with dressing in teddies.

A zoo in England put a 200-pound orangutan on a diet and exercise after her previous owner fed her nothing but marshmallows and candy. He also dressed the poor orangutan in clothes that were every which way but loose.

A Web site for a Berlin restaurant offering “cannibal” cuisine turned out to be a prank by the German Vegetarian Society. Disappointed cannibals must continue their search for a restaurant named Tony’s that serves actual Tonys.

A Canadian UFO expert says a mysterious object photographed in the sky over rural Manitoba was probably a Chinese flying lantern, which are rice paper globes filled with hot air from a burning candle. The expert could not explain the story of a local farmer who says he was abducted and probed by a tiny Chinese alien with a glowing chopstick.

It’s official – “America's Got Talent” judge Piers Morgan will take over for Larry King on CNN in January. To prepare to replace Larry, Morgan will spend the rest of the year watching softball games.

Rev. Terry Jones, the Florida church leader planning to burn copies of the Quran on Sept. 11, says he has received more than 100 death threats. Actually, he said he’s received CXVII death threats since he refuses to use Arabic numerals.

In Baton Rouge, Louisiana, a council member has proposed a public awareness campaign against men who wear their pants so low that their boxer shorts show that she’s calling “Low pants, no chance.” While they support the idea, the campaign slogan is being opposed by the local plumber’s union.

A Kentucky farmer says his corn is popping while still on the stalk, a phenomenon agricultural experts are blaming on low rainfall and high heat. Crows are pulling the popped corn off the ears and eating it in the farmer’s living room while watching “The Birds.”

Dennis Rodman claims he took six women to his bedroom at a Hamptons party and broadcast the orgy on his stereo system to everyone in attendance. Big deal. Listening to an orgy is like looking through the window at the woman next door who runs a phone sex service.

Actor Kelsey Grammer is one of the investors in a new Tea Party network called RightNetwork. In accordance with the Tea Party philosophy, it will only be available through video-on-demand, the Internet and mobile phones so it can never be “blacked”-out.