Works better than a Barry White album

Newt Gingrich is sticking to his comment that President Obama may follow a “Kenyan anti-colonial” worldview. Newt based this observation on the fact that Obama’s father was from Kenya and the president roots for the Bears when they play the Patriots.

A Georgia farmer is being sued by his county for growing too many vegetables in an area zoned for a smaller amount. It all started when his neighbors called 9-1-1 because their front and back doors were completely blocked by baskets of free zucchini.

A Chicago-area high school is claiming the world record for high fives after a superintendent wearing a purple costume gave high and low fives to 1,363 students and teachers. The superintendent plans to accept the award for breaking the record as long as it doesn’t come with a handshake.

Tens of thousands of walruses have come ashore in northwest Alaska because the sea ice they normally rest on has melted. They hadn’t planned to stop in Alaska but they heard Sarah Palin say they were close to Russia.

A 5-year-old boy won a moose calling contest at the Alaska Zoo in Anchorage. He received a $25 gift certificate to an Anchorage restaurant and $10 for a recording of the calls that Todd Plain claims works better than a Barry White album.

Oprah kicked off her 25th and final season of “The Oprah Winfrey Show” by giving everyone in the studio audience a free trip to Australia. Once they arrive in the Land Down Under, the audience members will see a couch jump up-and-down on Tom Cruise.

According to a new survey, public restroom users are washing their hands more often than they used to but 23 percent of men don’t wash versus 7 percent of women. Which makes the filthy sinks in men’s restrooms even more of a mystery.

Police in Wisconsin arrested a street musician who was upset when a passerby criticized his music so he bashed him over the head with his guitar. The musician spent the night in jail while his injured guitar gently wept.

Competitive eater Joey “Jaws” Chestnut downed 47 burritos in 10 minutes at the New Mexico State Fair in Albuquerque to break the previous record of 33 1/2. The 47 burritos were stuffed with beef, beans and green chile, which explains why Jaws had to be removed from a Porta-Potty using the jaws-of-life.