The single largest federal tobacco tax increase ever takes effect this week, raising the per-pack tax from 39 cents to $1.01. Some smokers are having a tough time covering the increase. President Obama had to ask himself for a bailout.
“High School Musical 3: Senior Year” was named the favorite movie at Nickelodeon’s Kids' Choice Awards slimefest. To the disappointment of parents watching, there wasn’t enough slime to choke off the air supply of producers planning more sequels.
Oakdale, California, is holding its annual Testicle Festival fundraising event, serving the private parts of bulls for charity. They’re called “mountain oysters” by fans and “The reason we go to Pomona every year” by the bulls.
A New York businessman is launching a new 99-proof kosher tequila called Agave 99 in time for Cinco de Mayo. A kosher tequila is the perfect drink to serve with menschiladas.
The IRS says that Brazilian race car driver and “Dancing With The Stars” winner Helio Castroneves owes more than $2.3 million in taxes because of unreported income and improper deductions over a five-year period. If found guilty, he could be sentenced to years in prison or worse … one night with Cloris Leachman.
Computer researchers have uncovered a cyber spy network based mainly in China that hacked into classified documents from government and private organizations in 103 countries. You know you’ve been hacked if you recently received an email asking for help cashing a large check from a “General Tso.”
Astronauts on Russia's Soyuz spacecraft were forced to manually dock with the International Space Station after an engine failure knocked out the automatic docking system. Billionaire and Microsoft developer Charles Simonyi, onboard as a space tourist, was heard crying out, “Why didn’t I go on “Dancing With The Stars” like the Woz?”
An Italian archaeologist claims she’s discovered what is believed to be the oldest site of religious worship in Cyprus, a temple which is about 4,000 years old. Some things never change. A carving in the wall describes a scandal involving a holy man and a Greek boy.
A study of triathlons found that the swim-bike-run competitions pose at least twice the risk of sudden death as marathons. Most of the triathlon deaths are caused by the shock of jumping into cold water or the shock of jumping onto a bike that’s had its seat removed by a sleazy competitor.
Thousands of poisonous cane toads became fertilizer in an annual mass killing of the unwanted amphibians in Australia. The top killer was a desperate woman in a crown with warts all over her lips.
More than 2,800 cities worldwide participated in Earth Hour by going dark for an hour on Saturday. Experts predict that the effects will begin to show up in 9 months with the birth of millions of Earth Hour babies.
Secret sources inside the federal government says the use of waterboarding and other harsh interrogation techniques on a high-value U.S. terror detainees produced only false leads. On the other hand, they worked great on reporters trying to investigate Dick Cheney shooting his friend in the face.
A Los Angeles art gallery is planning an exhibit featuring 36 photographs of President Obama taken 29 years ago when he was an Occidental College student. The photos all come with a disclaimer stating that college student Obama’s red eyes are the photographer’s fault.
Sources in England say Michael Jackson is renting a country house near London close to caves rumored to be haunted. It any locals haven’t seen pale scary-looking apparitions walking around the caves at night before, they will now.
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