Tuesday, March 31, 2009

W. asked Laura if she owned any sleeveless outfits

The American College of Cardiology reports that some 50-year-old treatments for high blood pressure are being brought back with new technology. The tough part is getting people used to living with a 5-pound leech on their stomach.

The FDA is warning people not to eat any food containing pistachios because of possible contamination by salmonella. Pistachio growers are blaming the contamination on a frustrated revenge-seeking individual with fingernails too short to crack open the tiny red nuts.

Honda Motor Company has developed a way to read patterns of electric currents on a person's scalp as well as changes in the brain’s blood flow to send signals to a robot. Unfortunately, the first thing the test robot did was go out and buy a Prius.

Ford Motor Company introduced a new incentive program to cover payments for up to a year if customers lose their jobs. Ironically, selling cars to GM and Chrysler workers may put Ford into bankruptcy.

Topps, the trading card company, is coming out with a set of cards showcasing the “world's biggest hoaxes, hoodwinks and bamboozles” and featuring Bernie Madoff, Enron, D.B. Cooper and Charles Ponzi. It doesn’t include the biggest hoax in its own business – the scam that the hard pink slab in baseball card packs is actually bubble gum.

In response to last month's collision of two satellites in orbit, the Pentagon announced plans to begin tracking all 800 maneuverable spacecraft currently operating in space by October 1. The first step is to recruit 800 soldiers who won’t use the telescopes to track women living in the apartments across the street form the Pentagon.

At the National Mall in Washington, NASA unveiled a full-size mock-up of the Orion spacecraft designed to carry U.S. astronauts back to the moon and then on to Mars. The capsule seats six comfortably, or nine if NASA can find astronauts willing to fly for three years without tilting their seats back.

President Obama's Kenyan aunt, who has been living in the U.S. illegally for the past four years, hopes to use a little-known immigration rule that allows denied asylum claims to be reheard if applicants can show that something has changed to make them eligible. What’s changed for her is that her nephew can now send immigration agents trying to arrest her to Guantanamo.

Officials in Tokyo are testing wooden sidewalks to see if they help keep pedestrians' feet cooler in hot weather. They’re causing huge traffic jams because pedestrians keep stopping and waiting to hear someone sing “Under the Boardwalk.”

The utilities department in Painesville, Ohio, blames a malfunction with a chemical feeder for causing many customers to receive harmless pink water from their faucets. On the positive side, Painesville is now the leading choice to host the next Ohio Gay Pride Parade.

The latest polls show that America’s favorable view of first lady Michelle Obama is at 76 percent, a 28-point increase since last summer. She’s so popular, former President George W. Bush is sleeping in the doghouse after asking Laura if she owned any sleeveless outfits.

An Illinois man has built a car that transforms into an airplane and says the vehicle will be available to the public in two years for about $194,000. The price goes up to $200,000 if you want the optional horn that doesn’t attract geese.

A new survey found that 80 percent of Americans blame the financial industry, not President Barack Obama, for the current economic crisis. The other 20 percent didn’t answer the phone when the pollsters called because they don’t like to be interrupted when Rush is on.

No comments:

Post a Comment