His foil hat isn’t working

Two South Korean teenagers won $100,000 in the LG Mobile World Cup for being the fastest texters in the world. Here’s a bad sign … they had to pick up the check with their teeth and sign it with their feet.

Scientists in New York pushed the Doomsday Clock's hand back one minute to 6 minutes to midnight because they see “a more hopeful state of world affairs.” Unfortunately, the clock reset itself when it heard the news President Obama asked George W. Bush to help Haiti.

British researchers claim they’ve developed an eye test that may help detect and monitor Alzheimer's disease. I’ve got a test like that too. I pass if I remember where I left my glasses.

A Santa Fe man who claims he suffers from "electromagnetic allergies" is suing his neighbor because she refuses to turn off her cell phone, wireless network, computer, dimmer switches and other electronic devices. He’s also suing Reynolds Aluminum because his foil hat isn’t working.

A British great-grandmother spent $16,000 on cheek implants, chin implants, and a breast lift so she can look like the cartoon character Jessica Rabbit. Her husband is just glad she hates Olive Oyl.

Victoria’s Secret has unveiled a new topless bikini that’s basically a bikini bottom held around the neck with a string. It’s only available in the U.S. Victoria’s Secret customers in Australia will be offer the new bottomless bikini.

A prostitute in Poland was fined $820,000 for evading taxes on yearly earnings that were at least 6 times that. It’s also about 10,000 times what she made using many of the same skills at the Polish sausage plant.

A bag of cocaine was found in the hangar that houses space shuttle Discovery at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. NASA has narrowed the list of suspects down to a group of Hubble telescope scientists testing a new mirror.

A team of astronomers from Italy captured images of an asteroid that passed by Earth this week at a distance one-third that between the Earth and the moon. The Italian astronomers sent the asteroid photos to the U.N. and offered to “take care of it” before it comes back again.

Johnson & Johnson has expanded its recall of over-the-counter medications because some products have a moldy smell that makes people sick. This is different than the moldy smell that caused Wal-Mart to recall some of its door greeters.

An oil refinery in Philadelphia says a foul odor that prompted numerous complaints was caused by a spill during cleanup operations. Officials told residents of Philadelphia that the bad smell would be gone soon and told residents of nearby New Jersey to enjoy it while they can.

A town house called the skinniest house in New York City sold for $2.1 million. The 9 1/2foot wide residence was appraised for much higher, but that was before the open house attended by Kirstie Alley.