Putting the “con” in “conservative.”

A visitor to New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art accidentally tore a painting by Picasso called “The Actor,” which shows an acrobat in a pink costume and blue knee-high boots striking a pose. Until it’s repaired, it will be replaced by a poster of Neil Patrick Harris.

NBA player Javaris Crittenton has been charged with a gun felony for having a loaded gun in the Washington Wizards locker room. His main defense is that no one ever brought similar charges against a player he heard about named Pistol Pete.

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner is warning that the stock market could react negatively if Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke isn't confirmed for a second term. Republicans aren’t buying it. They all know that stock market crashes are caused by liberal brokers making deals with Satan.

Saddam Hussein's cousin "Chemical Ali" was executed after receiving four death sentences for crimes against humanity. Ali delayed it as long as he could by demanding four cigarettes.

Beau Biden announced he will not run for the Senate seat once held by his father, Vice President Joe Biden. The disappointed vice president gave all of his “I Love Beau” buttons to the White House dog.

There are rumors on the Web that John Edwards and Rielle Hunter made a sex tape together during their affair. It looks like Edwards was getting in shape for the debates because he was finished in 90 seconds.

Texas Governor Rick Perry's campaign hired convicted felons as part-time workers to help recruit voters for the Republican primary. Now that’s what I call putting the “con” in “conservative.”

Pope Benedict XVI is urging priests to start using email, blogs and social media to preach the Gospel. That explains the text message every Catholic got on Sunday that read, ‘JC4U’.

Former child television star Gary Coleman was arrested and jailed in Utah for alleged domestic assault. The evidence against him is pretty strong since his wife went to the hospital with fist marks on her knees and thighs.

Newly reinstated "Tonight Show" host Jay Leno is in talks to appear on Oprah Winfrey's show to discuss the late-night shake-up at NBC. Instead of giving away new cars, audience members that day will be able to sell their old cars to Jay.

Another taped message claiming to be Osama bin Laden has been released and this one is pretty recent. The voice on the tape said something about “looking like a fool with your pants on the ground in Iraq.”

Johnny Depp's publicist says online rumors claiming the actor died in a car wreck in France over the weekend are untrue. These rumors pop up every time someone in a car hits a sparrow.

A group calling itself America's Nazi Party has received permission to pick up litter on a one-mile stretch of road near Denver as part of the Adopt-A-Highway program. In response, the litter is being provided by a group calling itself Cover-A-Highway-With-Chicken-Soup-Cans-And-Manischewitz -Wine-Bottles.