She just can’t walk away and blink at the same time

President Obama sent his first Tweet while visiting the American Red Cross headquarters in Washington. He liked the idea so much, he’s demanding that all future conversations with Joe Biden be 140 characters or less.

Jay Leno claims that when NBC first brought up the idea, he told them that putting him on in prime time would never work. Unfortunately, NBC thought he was just doing an impression of those people he talks to while Jaywalking.

Heidi Montag now says that even though she once had 10 procedures done in one day, she’s not addicted to plastic surgery. She can walk away from it at any time. She just can’t walk away and blink at the same time.

Former MLB All-Star Jose Offerman was banned for life by the Dominican winter league for throwing a punch at an umpire during an argument in a game. Being banned for life from the Dominican winter league is like being banned for life from a Starbucks.

President Barack Obama praised former pro basketball star Dikembe Mutombo for his charitable work in his native country of Congo. Then Harry Reid praised Obama for pronouncing “Dikembe Mutombo” like a white NBA announcer would.

A new survey found that men get a bigger economic boost from marriage than women do. Good news for women … this explains why they get a bigger economic boost from divorce than men do.

Sweethearts Candy has joined forces with Twitter to make those little heart-shaped Valentine’s Day candies with the words “Tweet Me” on them. Sweethearts is hoping this will make people gobble them 140 at a time.

Seventy-one percent of Americans say they don't want Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012. The 29 percent who want her to run also said their favorite form of entertainment is watching bugs splatter on their windshields.

Workers in Maine cut down Herbie, New England's largest and oldest elm tree that’s estimated to be around 240 years old. They saved a piece of bark that has a heart with Betsy Ross’ name in it that John McCain carved before joining George Washington’s army.

A man whose SUV went off the road and plunged into a Northern California creek managed to escape the sinking vehicle by blasting out the window with a handgun. This is why NBA players are never late for a game.