One small stop for man

The health care reform bill President Obama signed will also make it easier for students to get affordable college loans. This is the biggest incentive to convince students to attend college since George W. Bush said getting C’s was OK.

Jill Biden, wife of Vice President Joe Biden, will host a White House summit on community colleges in the fall. Biden is a community college professor who is known to be a tough grader, so husband Joe was right again when he called it a “big F-ing deal.”

A guest host filling in for Glenn Beck said that the new health care reform program is racist because it imposes a tax on tanning salons. It’s not enough to have a right to bear arms, they want tan arms too.

The Large Hadron Collider, the world's largest atom smasher, was fired up this week and broke the world record for particle collisions. That record was held by a Toyota speeding down a gravel road.

Tiger Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, reportedly will not attend the Masters to watch her husband's return to golf. Instead, she’s hired the Goodyear blimp to zoom in on Tiger’s scorecard so she can see if it has any names instead of numbers.

McDonald’s has opened its first Hamburger University in China. Students will learn how to convince Chinese eaters to develop a taste for McGoo Gai Pan.

Officials at the San Francisco Zoo had to call in firefighters to help move an elderly tiger that was refusing to leave its moat. This tiger is so old, he remembers when Siegfried and Roy were doing Siamese cat shows in a closet.

Part of the ceiling of Roman Emperor Nero's Golden Palace collapsed this week due to heavy rains. No one was hurt, but the ceiling barely missed some American tourists who thought the Golden Palace was a Chinese restaurant.

Researchers in Canada have discovered that barbecue sauces are a rich source of antioxidants if they contain spices and herbs. They also found that people who get their antioxidants from barbecue sauce think the sprig of parsley on their barbecue platter is one serving of vegetables.

NASA has joined in the government's effort to figure out what caused the sudden acceleration problems that led to Toyota's massive recalls. If NASA can figure it out, it will be one small stop for man, one giant halt for mankind.