Monday, July 19, 2010

Ignoring our own planet America

President Obama is hosting Mercury astronaut John Glenn and the Phoenix Mercury women's basketball team at the White House on the same day. Sarah Palin immediately denounced the meeting as showing favoritism to minority planets like Mercury while ignoring our own planet America.

Zsa Zsa Gabor had surgery to replace the hip she broke when she fell out of bed in her Bel Air home. Her doctor knew the operation was a success when she asked him if he’d like to be husband number 10.

Eighteen-year-old Filipino singer Charice Pempengco had Botox injections and an anti-aging skin tightening treatment to make her face narrower for her debut on the hit show “Glee.” Or as she now pronounces it, “Gluh.”

Sarah Palin defended her invention of the word “refudiate” by pointing out that William Shakespeare “liked to coin new words too.” Shakespeare also invented the character Puck, but that doesn’t mean we want our leaders to act like one.

In Bosnia, a man whose house has been hit six times by meteorites claims aliens are targeting him. He claims he has no idea why the aliens are stoning him and denied reports he had an affair with a Martian.

A poster showing Pamela Anderson in a string bikini with her body covered in butcher's labels such as "rump", "ribs" and "breast" has been condemned by the Canadian government as being sexist. Pam had the labels painted on during her appearance on “Dancing with the Stars” to keep track of how many points she got when her partner held her in each spot.

A food bank in Clearwater, Florida, distributed a can labeled as a "superfood" that turned out to be a can of dog food. This apparently isn’t the first time this has happened based on the long line of people outside the food bank waiting to use the fire hydrant.

The Tea Party has separated itself from the Tea Party Express and fired its leader, Mark Williams, over Williams’ satirical letter from “Colored People” to Abraham Lincoln. The Tea Party plans to fight all charges of it being racist and has retained the law firm of Little, Black, and Sambo.

Experts in Italy are baffled by a three-year-old boy who reads newspapers, operates the family's television remote and even gives medical advice. You know you’ve got a bad health care provider when a kid with an Operation game makes more sense.

When asked for details about her daughter Chelsea’s upcoming wedding, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said “My lips are sealed.” And to keep Bill out of trouble, so are the lips of all the bridesmaids.

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