Not The Tea Party

Police were called to the Muirfield Village Country Club in Dublin, Ohio, after a woman re[porting seeing Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger urinating on a tree. No charges will be filed unless it’s determine that Rothlisberger was intentionally urinating on a female squirrel in the tree.

Argentina is the first country in Latin America to legalize same-sex marriage. Those who objected to the new law are now afraid that the country’s signature dance, the tango, will be replaced by the mango.

President Obama and Oprah Winfrey are among 500 people reported invited to ex-first daughter Chelsea Clinton's wedding. The Secret Service will have extra agents there to protect the president when Oprah goes airborne in an attempt to catch the bouquet.

Kellogg admits that higher-than-normal amounts of methyl naphthalene in its package liners caused the unusual smell and flavor that prompted a recall of 28 million boxes of Apple Jacks, Corn Pops, Froot Loops and Honey Smacks. The recalled cereals are being repackaged as Methyl Munchies, Napthalene Nibbles and Odor Oaties.

A Colorado man has developed a car with two toilet bowls for seats. He’s already received orders from a number of lovelorn former NASA astronauts.

A man in India was taken to the hospital after a friend bet him he couldn’t swallow a poisonous snake. The man had recently been laid off but luckily was covered by COBRA insurance.

A model in Romania has started a new political party just for beautiful people. The name is a Romanian word that translates loosely to “Not The Tea Party.”

Shooting has begun on a remake of “Arthur,” the 1981 hit starring Dudley Moore. It’s being funded by the Republican Party in an attempt to convince voters that drunk millionaires can be loveable.

Republican Senator Jim Bunning of Kentucky says that New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner was “smart” to die in a year when there is no federal estate tax. If that’s true, it means there’s still time for Dr. Kevorkian to make a comeback as an estate counselor.

A Texas animal control officer said an alleged chupacabra, a mythical Mexican creature that sucks the blood from goats, was actually a hairless canine-coyote hybrid with mange. It’s confusing because that also describes half the contestants at a typical Mixed Martial Arts tournament.