A new interpretation of Skull and Bones

Archaeologists in the Swiss city of Zurich have uncovered a 5,000-year-old door that may be one of the oldest ever found in Europe. Even more exciting, this proves that the world’s oldest knock-knock joke is the one that answers the question: “yodel lady who?”

Anita Hill says she won’t apologize to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas despite a mysterious call from his wife, Virginia. However, Mrs. Thomas will get a thank-you note from PepsiCo for reminding Americans of the image of a pubic hair on a Coke can.

President Obama may skip a trip to a prominent Sikh holy site in India because it could reinforce incorrect rumors that he is a Muslim, not a Christian. He’s so paranoid, he even asked Michelle to blow-dry her hair rather than wrapping her head in a towel.

1968 Playboy Playmate of the Year Angela Dorian was charged with attempted murder after she allegedly shot her boyfriend in their Hollywood apartment. Her lawyer blames the boyfriend, saying she finally snapped after he asked her for the 100th time to get staples tattooed on her stomach.

A British woman used 9,852 slices of bread to turn a photo of her mother-in-law into the world's largest toast mosaic. Being a typical mother-in-law, the first thing she asked is why the woman didn’t cut off the crusts like she likes them.

A fraternity at Yale University is in trouble for forcing pledges to walk around campus chanting obscenities about necrophilia and anal sex. Must be a new interpretation of Skull and Bones.

In a speech at the University of Texas-Tyler, former President George W. Bush said he read 12 biographies of President Lincoln while in office. He kept hoping to find one with a better ending.

Actress Betty White will be the voice of Mrs. Claus in a new animated Christmas special. The 88-year-old White got the job after promising to stick to the script and not improvise anything about licking Santa’s candy cane.

Astronomers using the Hubble telescope think they’ve found the world’s oldest galaxy – a group of stars that’s 13.1 billion years old. Creationists say this is concrete proof that 6,000 years ago God created the number 13.1 billion.

A woman in Massachusetts was arrested after trying to deposit a fake $10,000 bill at a bank. The woman didn’t help her cause when she asked for her change in $1000 bills.