A whopper of a hangover?

Sarah Palin says she’s run for president in 2012 if nobody else wants to. That’s the same thing Mark Ballas said on Dancing with the Stars when asked if he’d partner with Brisol Palin.

The Hells Angels are suing Saks Fifth Avenue, Zappos and fashion designer Alexander McQueen for allegedly using their name without permission on a scarf. They found out about it when they got thoudands of membership applications from guys with pink scooters.

A Irish film-maker claims a 1928 Charlie Chaplin film is proof of time travel because it shows a woman walking while talking on what appears to be a cell phone. It looks like the woman was trying to send a signal to the future because she walks past four bars.

A company in Toronto has created a Cheeseburger Cocktail, which contains rum, beef stock, tomatoes and lettuce water. Here’s my question. If you make it a double, does it give you a whopper of a hangover?

A San Francisco marijuana dispensary is offering patients free joints every time the Giants hit a home run during the World Series. That explains the thousands of glaucoma patients outside Barry Bonds’ home begging him to unretire.

The Pizza Express in Manchester, England, is investigating reports that a couple was spotted having sex in one of its restaurants after hours. The pizza chain want to avoid being sued for stealing the plot of half the porn industry’s most popular films.

NASA is conducting feasibility studies on whether astronauts could be sent on permanent, one-way missions to Mars to colonize it. NASA won’t send them to the moon because it can’t afford to pay royalties to the estates of Jackie Gleason and Audrey Meadows.

A Brazilian court ruled that McDonald's must pay a former franchise manager $17,500 because he gained 65 pounds while working there for 12 years. McDonald’s blamed the manager for thinking the phrase “Do you want fries with that?” was actually “Are you going to finish that?”

The Food and Drug Administration has decided not to approve Onexa, a highly-touted experimental diet pill, because it could cause major cardiovascular events. The manufacturer is hoping the FDA will reconsider when it starts putting the pills in bottles with Cheney-proof caps.

Former House Majority Leader Dick Armey claims that President Bill Clinton and Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich privately discussed their extramarital affairs with each other over drinks and cigars. Both men deny it, saying only that they were close but no cigar.