The word is out that the “I like it on the …” messages on Facebook are about where women like to leave their purses. Millions of embarrassed naked men are now climbing off the top of the dresser.
Charlie the Smoking Chimp, a mainstay at a South African Zoo, has died at age 52, living ten years longer than the average chimp. Zoo veterinarians attributed Charlie’s long life to staying fit by throwing feces at people who wouldn’t let him bum cigarettes.
The company whose toxic red sludge that burst out of a Hungarian factory's reservoir and flowed to the Danube River claims it’s not harmful. Who knew that BP also stands for Budapest Putridity?
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Health reports that a surprising jump in the number of Americans hobbled by arthritis may be due to obesity. This explains the new Extra Light Excedrin.
A Michigan State football fan delayed having a pacemaker installed so he could watch the Spartans play the Michigan Wolverines on Saturday. He’s hoping he doesn’t become a diehard fan.
A judge in San Antonio ruled that nude dancing in gentlemen's clubs in that city is illegal. Even if the dancers yell out “Remember the Ala-ho!”
A Pennsylvania man who hid four ounces of marijuana in the Elmo backpack his son took to school was sentenced to six to 23 months in jail. The boy’s teacher turned the dad in when the kid referred to the character on his backpack as Don’t Bogart Me Elmo.
Former World Wrestling Entertainment CEO Linda McMahon, the Republican nominee for U.S. Senate in Connecticut, says she misspoke when she suggested lowering the minimum wage. She meant to say, “Can you smell what the cold heartless candidate is cooking?”
A Kenyan polygamist who married more than 100 women and sired more than 160 children died at age 94. Newspaper carriers are being advised to lift with their knees when they deliver copies of the edition with his obituary.
Michelle Obama is number one on Forbes magazine’s list of the 100 Most Powerful Women in the world. She’s so powerful, Oprah calls her Oprah.
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