Thursday, May 21, 2009

Dick Cheney’s new “green” bunker

Kris Allen is still shaking his head over his surprise victory on “American Idol” over the judges’ favorite, Adam Lambert. As a way of thanking the fan base who voted for him, Allen has scheduled an appearance on “Barney.”

An 11-year-old Utah boy tired to get into the Guinness Book of World Records by covering his face with 43 live snails. He hasn’t heard from Guinness yet, but the record facial escargot attempt has been condemned by People for the Ethical Treatment of Appetizers.

Police around the world are looking for two New Zealanders who allegedly took the money and ran after a bank mistakenly put $6.1 million into their account. The pair is suspected to be headed for Wall Street where they hope to be hidden by their own kind.

Scientists in Canada and China are using bile acids from human livers to make fillings for dental cavities. During tests of the liver bile fillings, four-out-of-five dentists surveyed recommended sugarless gum for patients who don’t want to get grossed out.

Astronauts onboard the international space station drank the first batch of water recycled from their urine, sweat and condensation from their breath. NASA is hoping to bottle the recycled urine and sell it under the brand name Pee-rier.

The North Dakota Department of Emergency Services estimates that 18 million sandbags were used throughout the state this year to prevent flooding. The bags are now being collected and shipped to Wyoming where they’ll be recycled into Dick Cheney’s new “green” bunker.

The actor who played the voice of Mickey Mouse in movies, TV shows and theme parks for 32 years has passed away. Anticipating huge crowds of mourners, Disney says that you must be at least four feet tall to attend his funeral.

California first lady Maria Shriver is following Michelle Obama’s example and planting the first vegetable garden on the Capitol grounds in Sacramento. When he saw the list of vegetables she was planting, husband Arnold crossed off one line and said, “Hasta la Beetsa, Baby.”

President Obama called and congratulated the crew of the space shuttle Atlantis for repairing the Hubble telescope, and then asked if they could see if anyone was mowing his lawn in Chicago. Dick Cheney immediately criticized the president for revealing to terrorists that astronauts in space can see them building bombs out of lawnmowers.

Michael Jackson has postponed the first four dates of his sold-out concert series scheduled to start in July in London. After watching the finals of “American Idol,” Michael has to rework his salute to Adam Lambert.

People who have seen the ceremonial torch for the 2010 Winter Olympic Games to be held in Vancouver, Canada, say it looks like a hand-rolled marijuana joint. That could explain why Michael Phelps has taken a sudden interest in underwater bobsledding.

NASA engineers have completed the first test of the Ares I rocket's three main parachutes, the largest parachutes ever made. These parachutes are so big, they may finally allow John Goodman to fulfill his dream to skydive.

Under a cloak of secrecy, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Oprah Winfrey, Ted Turner, Michael Bloomberg and other of the world's wealthiest people met recently in New York City. When he found out his name wasn’t on the list, Donald Trump called up Bill Gates and said, “You’re fired!”

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