Oprah is sending her a couch so she can jump

Amazon is a little embarrassed after Kindle users found out the electronic reader’s computerized voice option mispronounces “Barack Obama.” When the Kindle says the president’s name, “Barack” rhymes with “black” and “Obama” rhymes with “bleeding heart liberal.”

“24” star Kiefer Sutherland was charged with misdemeanor assault for allegedly head-butting a fashion designer at a Manhattan nightclub. Poor Kiefer used his one phone call to contact his most powerful ally in Washington and was shocked when it was answered by Joe Biden instead of Dick Cheney.

The Social Security Administration reports that Jacob was the most popular name for boys in 2008 for the tenth straight year. “Barack” moved up a record 10,126 places to 2,409 and is expected to move higher once kids named George are tired of getting beat up and change names.

The T-800 killer cyborg played by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the original “Terminator” makes a surprise appearance in “Terminator Salvation, but it’s another’s actor’s body with Arnold’s face added by computer. Schwarzenegger is testing the legal waters for using the native born stand-in with his face to run for president.

The Miami Dolphins are changing Dolphin Stadium to Landshark Stadium as part of a partnership with singer Jimmy Buffett and his Landshark Lager beer. This came as a big disappointment to Dolphin’s pot-loving running back Ricky Williams who was pushing for a deal with Willie Nelson.

The mayor of Yakima, Washington, is trying to crack down on so-called sexpresso cafes – coffee bars that use scantily-clad waitresses to sell java and pastries. He’s afraid they’ll start selling donuts and he’ll never see his police department again.

The White House won’t confirm it but Germany is making plans for President Obama to visit the site of the Buchenwald concentration camp this summer. The site is used to these types of visits since Dick Cheney was always sneaking in once-a-month for inspiration.

Oprah Winfrey will interview Scottish singing sensation Susan Boyle via satellite for a special edition of her show called “The World’s Got Talent.” Simon Cowell told Boyle not to sing, but Oprah is sending her a couch so she can jump.

An expert on French bread says bakers in France are cutting down on the cooking time to satisfy a demand for baguettes with softer crusts. As a result, bakers are selling more loaves to American tourists but less to French people who used to buy them to hit American tourists.

A Texas A&M University researcher shipped nearly 17,000 corn earworms to students in 12 states so they can learn about the wonders of science. Not to mention the wonders of learning CPR to revive the mailman.