Cath-22

Italian police were called to a public beach south of Rome after a mother complained that the way a topless sunbather applied her suntan lotion was "troubling" her teenage sons. My guess is that they were troubled because her hands were blocking their view.

Paris Hilton is being sued for $35 million for allegedly wearing hair extensions from someone other than the company that paid her $3.5 million to promote theirs. Paris offered to give back all of the free extensions she got because it looks like company executives have pulled out all of their hair.

General Motors announced it made $1.33 billion in the second quarter. Unfortunately, it all came from one plant that had been converted from Hummers to counterfeit hundreds.

Police in Maryland arrested a man who allegedly squirted semen from a bottle onto as many as five female shoppers at a grocery store. Another reason to avoid grocery store clerks offering free mayonnaise samples.

A restaurant chef in Iowa was fined $335 after health inspectors saw a video of him kissing and licking toads in the kitchen. The chef also fired the employee who told him if he kissed the right toad, it would turn into Rachael Ray.

North Korea has offered to use ginseng to repay nearly $10 million in Cold War-era debt to the Czech republic. Czech leaders weren’t interested until they found out ginseng can be made into beer.

The Roman Catholic Diocese of Madison, Wisconsin, now offers birth control coverage to employees, but employees could be fired if they use it. This is known as a Cath-22.

A suburban Pittsburgh man who dresses as a dog for conventions and parties has petitioned to change his legal name to Boomer the Dog. His wife was all for it until she found out local laws would require her to carry a scooper at all times.

In Minnesota, four police cars were needed to chase down and arrest the driver of a homemade go-cart who was on the road illegally. Even though he was only going 20 miles an hour in the little car, he didn’t have his fez on.

Police in Idaho seized about 100 marijuana plants from a corn field at a residential farm. They were tipped off by a green giant who was acting more giggly than jolly.

Ben Quayle, son of former Vice President Dan Quayle, says President Obama is “the worst president in history.” Like father, like son. He spelled “wurst” with a U so he’s actually calling Obama our country’s finest sausage lover.