Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Slumdog Messiah

President Obama has embarrassed his older daughter Malia by revealing that she wears braces on her teeth. Her dad is now begging her to wait until after the election to reveal to the public that he wars braces on his ears.

Houtong, a rundown former coal mining town in Taiwan, has become a tourist attraction because its stray cat population outnumbers its human population two-to-one. A local barber shop is offering a feline-inspired haircut called the cat-man-doo.

Nik Wallenda, of the famous Flying Wallendas, claims he set a new world record by cycling across a 260-foot high tightrope without a safety net. That’s the highest anyone has been on a bike since the Tour de France banned amphetamines.

A London fashion company has unveiled a little black dress that doubles as a functioning cell phone. The makers are hoping to publicize it on a new cable show called “Sex and the SIM Card.”

A New Hampshire high school student is suing his shop class teacher for not warning him of the dangers of attaching electrical clamps to his nipples and shocking himself. His only hope for winning the case is to get a jury of people with sawed-off fingers.

Filmmakers from India are in the Holy Land to shoot the first Bollywood movie on the early life of Jesus. The working title is “Slumdog Messiah” but they’re also considering “Eat Pray Repeat.”

In Arkansas, police arrested six people at a baptism party after shots were fired and a number of people were assaulted. That’s what happens when you put weird Uncle Harold in charge of the holy water fountain.

Bog snorkeling officials in Wales say Dan Morgan may have knocked 8 seconds off the world record for paddling 60 yards of a muddy, water-filled peat trench using flippers only. Michael Phelps was scheduled to compete until he found out it wasn’t bong snorkeling.

Organizers of the 22nd World Kosher Barbecue Championship held at a Memphis synagogue said 42 groups competed in this year's event. It’s so kosher, the only beer served is Hebrewski.

Bristol Palin says she can’t wait to compete on Dancing With The Stars. She has some dancing experience, just not vertically.

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