Plaid Suits, Polka-Dot Shirts And Orange Shoes

An apartment landlord in Cincinnati is so frustrated about the street crime outside his building that he's posted a large sign out front that reads “Drugs & Sex For Sale 24/7.” Unfortunately, it’s too late to attract the Democratic National Convention to Cincinnati.

Madonna introduced her new documentary, “I Am Because We Are,” at the Traverse City Film Festival where she appeared with Michigan native Michael Moore. Madonna is hoping Moore will help her with her next documentary: “Fahrenheit A-Rod.”

Madonna introduced her new documentary, “I Am Because We Are,” at the Traverse City Film Festival where she appeared with Michigan native Michael Moore. It’s a good thing Madonna’s been losing weight and working out. It’s the only way she fit on the same stage with Michael Moore.

That 12-year-old girl who fell into a chimney on the roof of her New York apartment building, dropped 14 stories down the flue and landed almost unscathed in a pile of furnace soot, says she was just showing her cousin the view. When she heard about a soot-covered kid referring to the view, Whoopie Goldberg called the girl a racist.

Eight Michigan boys broke a word record by bouncing for 24 hours in an inflatable castle. They’re hoping to sell their story to a movie producer to help pay for all the beds they broke practicing.

Tourism officials on the Caribbean island of Grenada are asking dog owners to stop picking up starfish on the beach and throwing them like flying discs for their dogs to catch. Tourism officials in Nevada have the same rule around Area 51 for people who find small UFOs.

A men’s clothing store in Cleveland, Ohio, opened a cash bar in the middle of its sales floor to put customers in a relaxed mood to shop. Getting customers drunk is also a great way to get rid of the plaid suits, polka-dot shirts and orange shoes that nobody else wants.

Pope Benedict XVI sent greetings to China and said he hoped the Olympic Games would offer an example of coexistence among people from different countries. He also turned down a request to part the waters of the Olympic pool so the other swimmers have a chance to beat Michael Phelps.

A rare 1909 baseball card of early Hall-of-Famer Honus Wagner was sold for $1.62 million at an auction in Chicago. It would have been worth more, but the auctioneer admitted there was no proof to the rumor Wagner once dated Madonna.

Australian aviation officials say they're keeping a close eye on Qantas Airlines after a flight was forced to return to Sydney with a hydraulics leak, the third incident of in-flight trouble involving Qantas in recent days. Passengers are so nervous about the planes coming apart at the seams, they’ve been trading in their in-flight peanuts for bubble gum.

Actor Michael Douglas was spotted dozing off while having lunch in Portofino, Italy, with his wife, Catherine Zeta-Jones. Nobody believed him when he said he was just getting in character to play a narcoleptic cop on “The Sheets of San Francisco.”

Using billions of text messages as raw data, Microsoft researchers have reconstructed social patterns that indicate any two people on average are distanced by 6.6 degrees of separation. Proving once again that geeks who analyze text-messaging patterns will do anything to convince themselves they might have a chance to date Heather Locklear.