“Turn that thing down!”

Scrabulous is back on Facebook, but now it’s called Wordscraper and it has new rules and circular tiles that could help it avoid a lawsuit by the owners of Scrabble. If that doesn’t work, they should keep the name and start a company that removes graffiti.

According to the journal Cell, scientists have developed the couch-potato’s dream drug -- a pill that gives your body the benefits of a workout without exercising. It’s only been tested on rodents, which explains why Kirstie Alley showed up at the lab dressed like Minnie Mouse.

Bad news for John McCain. The Obama campaign is planning a new commercial comparing him to Bea Arthur and Betty White.

McCain and Obama are accusing each other of playing the race card. In the meantime, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson accuse both candidates of not playing with a full race deck.

NASA scientists say the Phoenix spacecraft has confirmed the presence of ice on the planet Mars. There hasn’t been this much excitement about frozen water since James Cameron got the Oscar for “Titanic.”

Insiders at Wal-Mart say the company is telling its managers to vote against Barack Obama in November because he’ll make it easier for workers to unionize. If that doesn’t work, it plans to tell door greeters that Obama will take away their blue coats and make them wear burqas.

Country music star John Rich, one-half of Big and Rich, has written a song for John McCain called “Raising McCain.” He’s having a tough time getting it played at rallies because McCain keeps yelling, “Turn that thing down!”

There are nearly 60,000 registered Chihuahuas living in Los Angeles County, making the smalls pups the most popular breed in the area. Here’s the bad news: the second-most popular breed is the Chihuahua-eating pit bull.

French researchers said a deep-sea fish was caught at a record 7,500 feet beneath the surface of the Atlantic Ocean. The pressure at that depth is so great, the fish can only be served at Japanese squooshie restaurants.

Hello! magazine in England has confirmed it acquired the exclusive worldwide rights to publish the first photos of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's newborn twins for a price rumored to be $11 million. That sound you hear is Brad kicking himself for forgetting to take a camera into the delivery room.